This morning, as I was pulling into the driveway of the hospital (one of the oldest in the city), something unexpected happened.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Until that point, the Uber ride had been completely silent.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
As we neared the entrance, the driver finally spoke:<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cMa\u2019am, do you work here?\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, I\u2019m a doctor. This is my workplace.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
While talking, he was knowingly navigating the hospital paths.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cMa\u2019am, I know. The thing is… my father passed away 15 days ago. He was admitted here. That\u2019s how I know the way.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Something in me froze. A chill, almost.<\/p>\n
I wasn\u2019t expecting it, and I didn\u2019t know what to say.\u00a0 My mind started racing, trying to find something comforting, something kind, something… appropriate.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
But I stayed quiet.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
He kept talking. And I just listened.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cHe had shortness of breath for over a year. Things were getting worse. Two of his heart valves were failing. There was also a blockage. So, we decided to go ahead with the surgery.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
By now, we had stopped. But we both just sat there. He wasn\u2019t really talking to me. He was just speaking into the air, like maybe he had held it all in and was letting it all out.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cFor two months, I was here… running around this hospital. Day and night. I know this place inside out. I used to eat at that canteen. I was with him constantly, through it all.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
He continued,<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cSometimes I wonder… maybe we shouldn\u2019t have done the surgery. Maybe we made the wrong decision.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
At that point, I wanted to say something,<\/p>\n
Wishing I had a better idea, I said softly,<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cYou did what you felt was right in that moment. Don\u2019t let guilt take away the love with which you made that decision.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
But even as I said it, I knew he didn\u2019t care about the right thing to be said. There could be no \u201cright thing\u201d to be said to someone who had lost a parent.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
He just needed to be heard.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
A few minutes later, I stepped out of the car.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cTake care\u201d, I said.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
He smiled. And drove away.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u2026..<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
It started as just another Uber ride.\u2028But it left me sitting with so much more.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
We always talk about the patient, because they are our only priority.<\/p>\n
The care, the condition, the prognosis, the plan.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
But the caregivers?<\/p>\n
The ones who pace outside the ICU, who skip meals, who read consent forms with shaking hands, what about them?<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
We often tell them to \u201ctake care of him,\u201d or \u201cmake sure they eat,\u201d but we rarely ask how they\u2019re<\/em> holding up.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n And after the patient is gone, they\u2019re the ones left behind, with guilt, grief, exhaustion, and regret. And no space for it.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n They survive the hospital. But barely.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Some spiral into hopelessness. Some into silence. Some into misplaced rage.\u2028And most people return to work as if nothing happened, as if they haven\u2019t just lost a parent, a partner, or a child.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Because while life never stops, work offers distraction, and distraction is often easier than sitting at home, facing the unexpressed emotions\u2026grief.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n We assume they\u2019ll be fine. We mistake their silence for strength. They linger in the shadows, carrying all the trauma. We don\u2019t even know their names. We ignore the fact that they are grieving too, sometimes even more than the patient.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n And all this\u2026 without a single support system in place.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n No safe space to say, \u201cI\u2019m not okay.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Because grief, especially the grief of a caregiver, is treated like an extra. A side story.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n A detail we\u2019re not trained to hold.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n While dealing with grief, it\u2019s important to show up as a human before a doctor, to lead with empathy before objectivity.<\/p>\n Not everything has a protocol or the perfect response.<\/p>\n Some moments just need to be heard and felt.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" This morning, as I was pulling into the driveway of the hospital (one of the oldest in the city), something unexpected happened. Until that point, the Uber ride had been completely silent. As we neared the entrance, the<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":901762,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[28],"tags":[314],"class_list":["post-901761","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-palliative-care","tag-carebeforecure"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/iapsm.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/901761","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/iapsm.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/iapsm.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/iapsm.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/iapsm.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=901761"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/iapsm.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/901761\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":901764,"href":"http:\/\/iapsm.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/901761\/revisions\/901764"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/iapsm.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/901762"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/iapsm.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=901761"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/iapsm.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=901761"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/iapsm.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=901761"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}